A Witness Request

Our latest adventures have involved quite a lot of travel.  Of course that's no problem for Otis.  He is, after all, an owl.  But it has proven problematic for me; in particular because we seem to loose each other quite a bit when out and about.  I had been telling Otis to acquire a sat nav, but he still can't get his head around the concept of invisible information.  We haven't broached the topic of thoughts yet.

Anyway, so there was one particular incident where I was on the coach going somewhere, and I was reading away, when I happen to look out of the window, and there was Otis, perched on the rooftop of a car on the motorway, with his tail in the head, looking into the car.  I think the people in the car must have got quite a fright, as they were banging on the window and seemed to be shouting at him.  And then Otis somehow fell off the car and fell into a bush and that was the last I saw of him, right through my entire trip and all the way back too.

Until tonight, when I found him in a tree near Tesco's.  I was doing my regular shop, when I happened to come across him with some of his new mates in the tree (he says he understands the Scottish banter a lot better than pigeon banter).  Surprised, I asked him where on earth he had been.  He replied in his usual smug manner that he had been looking for me but I had nearly killed him and left him in a bush to die!!!  We exchanged a few more slightly unpleasant vocabulary before I went on my way and he continued perching on his high tree. 

As far as I am aware, he is still there now, no doubt rejoicing in the fact that he thinks rid of me.  But I have in mind to go tell him a thing or two tomorrow.  Such owlness is just fowl and I will stand it no longer.  If anyone reading this witnessed these recent events, please get in touch, as I am creating a folder of the 'Otis out' sort.  Not the type that gets rid of him, just the one that enquires after his intellect and provides a little intervention to sort some of his problems out.  I would miss him terribly if he were to completely disappear.  Besides, there's still the concept of thoughts to talk about ...

Where did November come from?

I've been flying around the place for a while now and when I came back, it was November. Rabaskah Boo keeps telling me it's because I must have fallen aslip somewhere but that's just not true. She's binn teaching me speeling and English as mine apparantly was atrsuss but she's ok at it I guess.

So people, please tell me where November came from because I lost track of October, September, and all the months inbitween.

~ Otis Burble

The secret of time keeping ...

... Is definitely colour coding. Colour code your diary, your time schedule plan, your Bible, the books you read, things you find hard to remember, everything. Here's why.

Having conducted a study on the Functioning and Anatomical Structure of the owl brain based on the Case Study of Otis Burble, and the Interaction of daily input and Electrochemical Stimulation of Temporal Neurones, I found that the difference between giving Otis Burble things to remember that were colour coded produced significantly more correct answers than when I gave him things to remember without any colour coding at all. In addition, the inclusion of chocolate was phenomenal! He has since learnt the ancient art of bat communicating, as well as manners, and is now learning how to woo cars from parking in stupid places like ON THE CYCLE LANES!!! Hopefully there will be no more annoying people who think that it's fine to do that because cyclists aren't less likely to be run over if they have to overtake cars parked on a double yellow line where they're obviously not meant to be. Sometimes, the traffic people get it right and put things in the streets for a reason.

Anyway, I'd better go. That study I was talking about is being published and will soon be accessible via the Intraconnected Journal of Owls and other Small Mammals. The bats are back.

Burble & Boo. xx

Midnight Meddlings

Oh was I glad to see Otis flying in through the window tonight! I stayed up late, doing all kinds of fun mischief and enjoying the secrets of the night like I haven't in a long time! As in, that kind of night joy you can only enjoy on your own; making plans to conquer the world and become a better person and make friends with everyone on the planet. That secret tingle that means ANYTHING is possible and anything can happen until morning hits you like a cloud of impossibility. It's only fun when no one else knows what you're up to.

Anyway, I was doing all kinds of fun mischief, and in flies Otis through the window, and I haven't seen him in ages. I'd been hoping he would join me and the King when we went up to Scotland, but he was still on his way back from trying to rescue Coco. Like he thinks he's a hero. Though I heard of his bravery and was quite impressed with his ruthlessness; he would have risked his life for a silly monkey.

When he flew through the window tonight, I was so happy to see him - as in, happy like I haven't been in long time! He began telling me of the 'adventures' he had on his way back from his great Coco-rescuing-mission, but his little eyes kept closing he was that tired. So I let him burble out his last nonsense sentence as he fell asleep, before I rushed to the laptop to tell the world; my Otis is back!!! Tomorrow we're gonna conquer the world and have a whale of a time.

Maybe not a whale. Bit hard to swallow.

#gatheringofthenightowls

Quackers.

Me: Hey Otis, where have you been?
Otis: I don't negotiate my whereabouts except with myself.
Me: That's not what I asked you. Have you been up 'Anley?
Otis: Yes.
Me: Visiting friends?
Otis: Yes.
Me: Are they well?
Otis: No they're ducks.

I don't quite know what to say to that.

My New Roommate

As I sit here with a mug of hot chocolate, wondering why on earth it's gone so freezing, but kind of enjoying the fact that I can curl up on my nice cosy bed, Otis is banging on the window to come in. It's kind of funny lately; since it's gone so cold, every time he goes out (he's made friends with the local owl club not too far from our house), he gets icicles on his ears and under his beak because he flies so high. He doesn't appreciate me laughing at him though and when he comes home, he sits by the radiator trying to warm up. He keeps talking about a snail friend of his, Mergetrerd Poot - apparently there's a court case going against him for illegal lodging. I told Otis I would offer a place here for him to stay, but it's not my place so I can't. Not sure that comment was received too well.

Recently I made friends with Sebastian; he likes to hide under my bed and explores my room on occasion, especially when I haven't tidied up. I sent a picture to the Admiral, but the reply 'Dude that is so not nice...' implies that he thinks my new friend is pretty ugly (see what I did there!? It wasn't even intentional until I saw it myself!!!). 

I haven't introduced Otis to Sebastian yet, I'm a bit scared he'll eat him, so I'm trying to figure out the safest way for Sebastian to get to know Otis' caring side. It's a tough one, especially since Otis seems to think he needs to winter feed himself - that means stuffing himself with anything he can get his beak on, especially anything that moves and crawls and wriggles, including maggots. He's been hiding under the leaves in the park and when he comes home I always have to tell him to have a bath cause he stinks and is usually covered in bugs and muck. I don't know what's come over him lately, he always used to hate getting mucky, but since we've moved to the House on the Hill he's been acting strange. Perhaps it's because we're closer to the moon. I will have to do some research on it.

Before I go (weekend hibernation) - how amazing are the blue Argos aliens!? I am so going to meet them. Maybe see them live when they go on tour. I wonder which planet they're from.

Lately ...

As Christmas draws nearer, Otis and I have become very busy with sorting out presents and thinking about what people might want us to give them, and trying to figure out where we actually live! We've moved around so many times these past few months, we've become very confused, and sometimes accidentally speak Welsh and German and English and some other language which we can't quite place, all at the same time! I guess that would be WeGermish (and some other language which we can't quite place).

The other week I came home from a long day of existing, and couldn't find Otis anywhere. He appeared the next day (slightly more grumpy than usual) and said he'd been knocking on my window all night long, why hadn't I opened up for him? Turns out, he'd given up, and had flown away to a field to do some mouse hunting before returning home - only he'd gone to the wrong house originally without realising it. I just hope it wasn't one of the neighbours; unless it was the blue Argos aliens, I'm pretty sure anyone would be pretty angry having to put up with such a racket all night long!

Speaking of the blue Argos aliens, I've decided to write to Argos asking if they wouldn't mind telling me where they live. I so hope they are my neighbours, I feel like there's a connection that I can't quite explain. Maybe they're the creatures we got our DNA from when it was carried through space a million billion trillion years ago and landed on planet earth before evolving into us. It would be good to find out how the family's doing. I haven't told Otis yet, I think he'll be really happy, seeing as he's probably more related to them than I am. This evolution theory really does make sense when applying it to the blue Argos aliens.

I haven't had time to work on my project of studying Otis' brain, it's proven difficult when it's hard to find, and in addition, we've both been very busy, trying to remember which house we live in, who we know, and what we know, and then figuring out what day it is. All quite complicated as you can tell. We thought maybe a holiday on the moon would help, but then we discovered they don't sell crackers up there, or chocolate. I can imagine there are lots of mice with all the cheese - Otis would like that, but I'm not sure what their laws are.

So all in all very busy, and a busy week ahead of us. Otis would like to say hi to everyone - when I write on here, he gets very excited because he thinks he's famous. Wouldn't that be nice!?

Hope you all have a good week, don't get into mischief!