5 a Day

First off, apologies for the previous post. Apparently Otis had been planning a getaway ('getaway from what?' I asked him - 'getaway from youhoo!' he replied), and the message had meant to say this:

"Instruction.
Ok, so I hacked into Bekah's account and am planning a getaway. Who's with me???? The ship leaves tomorrow at 6am Greenwich meantime. Report to captain Burble.
Over and out."

I had a quiet word with him and a psychology session on top of that (for him, not for me), and I think we are getting to the bottom of his weird behaviour - the childhood trauma with the bats plays a crucial part in Otis wanting to get away, but because the re-occurrence of bats a few weeks ago was so traumatic, he has blocked out the memory, and now thinks that he hates me. A projection of trauma onto the owner is not uncommon with owls.
So that's Otis.

Now to my trip to Stoke. Plenty happened, and Otis was not there, it was so nice (while I was away, I think he hid in the woods with the pigeons, his new 'buddies').
Anyway, I spent some time with Opium, and it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! This is what happened.

We were having our five a day and happened to be in The Glebe, sitting in the corner, overhearing a conversation of some guys talking about what was happening whilst they were shaving - I don't know what happened, we giggled too much - contemplating the fact that it's great how we can lead healthy yet jolly lives as we sipped the grapes that would so graciously prevent us from developing blocked arteries and coronary heart diseases.
It's strange how Opium and I have only just discovered we're twins, we have the same nose and everything! OK, after my nose job they may differ slightly (my brother did a good job, I have to say, though his knuckle marks are still visible, but he said they'd grow away soon), but that's like saying we can;t be twins because we differ by a beauty spot!
It's clear now that we can be nothing but twins, as we often don't speak, just staring at each other, and yet we can communicate mistake free!!!
Like, Opium communicated to me about the fact that wine makes all thongs philosophical, and as we walked back to our abode, I have to say, thongs seemed to have a deeper meaning than usual.
Before we went home completely, we went to the park and watched some stars shoot around a bit, marvelled at their accurate aim, and wondered why they weren't in the olympics. I guess they're just humble.
The rest of my trip isn't really that exciting. I went to a course, met some other amazing people, had a fantastically exciting time before I was shipped off onto the coach back to Wales.

There is one more thing worth noting; my first coach was delayed by an hour, and I was worried that I'd miss my connection, as we were late for its departure. I decided not to worry, as there wasn't much I could do, and just prayed things would work out, whether that meant fixing things if I had missed the connection, or simply just enabling me that silly connection.
And what do you think happened? Pretty much all coaches were delayed by an hour, it was a bank holiday weekend which is what caused the delays I think. Praise the Lord, I had plenty of time before my connection was rescheduled to depart, and I was able to buy myself some lunch!

If there's one thing Otis and I agree on, then it's how awesome our Lord is. In fact, I think he (Otis) is just doing a joy flight outside to His glory! Silly, adorable owl!

Intrsuifgn

Ok so O hackef into Bejas'd account and am planing a gfetaway. WHos' wiht me????
The shpi leaves tomogwo ta 6ma gwenivhs meantime. Repotr ro captian Burble.
Oveer and ojut.

Adventures

So I've just come back from a trip to Stoke, and I guess I should tell you now; I may have 'accidentally' forgotten Otis in Wales. Someone observed that that didn't matter, because he can fly, but he never turned up and I'm quite glad - he's been a bit of a pain recently. I don't think his sense of direction is very good because when I came home, he was sitting on the top of my cupboard in my bedroom with ruffled feathers. He hasn't said anything, but I reckon he set off, trying to catch up on me, and started following the wrong national express couch. He's an owl, and even if he wasn't; everyone always finds a way home. It's a rule of nature.

Anyway, Otis is in a grump with me for having left him behind, but I have to say, it was nice to be away from him and his little temper tantrums. And I've finally managed to get him to let me use my new 'Owscannerbran' on him; it's a special scanner that scans brains, specifically designed for owls. I don't have much else to do here, so I thought I may as well get famous by winning a nobel prize for the assisting of the progression of science.

This is what Otis' brain looks like:

I have still to find out what parts serve which functions; it appears Otis' brain is very different from other owls, in fact, I am now not sure whether he is an actual owl or not, based on the images of his brain! This is turning out to be a very interesting project indeed!

Back to Stoke, I'm sure you're all burning to hear what happened without Otis. Well, I spent a lot of time with Opium. I don't know if I've told you the story about Opium and heaven? We were contemplating what heaven will be like, and she said, "It'll be like we're on drugs, but ... not." If being on drugs means giggling all the time and hugging everyone then I'm OK with that. So Opium and I went to the park and played on the swings and then we watched a few stars shoot by and it was all good fun - actually, it was pretty much like we were on drugs, but we weren't!

She told me about Barney the caterpillar and Nelly the ninja iguana - but more on that in another post :-)

Batman

It turns out the Teddy episode was all a big lie; Otis had 'accidentally' placed him in mysterious places so he would get in trouble - apparently, Otis doesn't like Teddy and was trying to get rid of him. As if Teddy's are real! Don't worry, I didn't fall for it though, and have banished Otis to the woods for a week and a half. I hope he gets really terrified there - a few nights ago, there was a bat in my room, poor thing, and Otis got really scared and hid under the bed! He says it was some childhood issue he had where his brother locked him in a room filled with bats, and they mocked him till dawn, threatening to eat his liver. Ever since then, his insides have clung onto each other so badly it hurts when he thinks about it (see Figure 1).

Figure 1: X-ray of Otis' insides after the first bat incident, courtesy of here.

So it's been a fun week. Next week, we're headed back to Stoke to visit. I asked Otis if he could fly me there, but he says I've eaten too much healthy stuff lately and weigh too much. Again, not quite sure where he gets his information from - I suspect he's been watching TOWIE through the neighbour's windows whilst lip reading everyone because he has an inner ear effect. That would also explain the other day, when I said, "I'm just going to watch How I Met Your Mother" and he thought I said, "I'm just going to bet my brother." He still doesn't believe me that I don't have a brother.

Oh, wait. I have two. And as it happens it was Little Brother's birthday the other day. Happy Birthday, Little Brother! Otis says he has a present for you (I think it's a dead mouse, so just smile and look enthusiastic).
Better go, I've only had three cups of tea today.